A brief mention of raising teenage boys and it is no surprise that parents will react either with a relieved smile on their faces, feeling glad that it is over or shaking their head in frustration for those who are experiencing it presently.

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For parents who have had a tough time raising their boys through their adolescence will probably forewarn aspiring parents who are hoping for a baby boy: ‘Be careful of what you wish for!’.

Boys are often misunderstood. Their energy commonly misconstrued as mischief; their competitiveness as presumptive; their tenacity as arrogance; their resilience as obstinacy; their curiosity as disrespect for authority. As the parent of a son, the sacred duty is to help him grow up to manhood in ways that honor that divine design.

It is all about understanding your own teenage boy. It is noteworthy that raising a teenage girl is no cakewalk; merely dealing with different problems. Establishing trust and openness between parents and teenage sons is key! While most parents understand that concept in logic, to carry it out is a challenge in itself.

Want to make it right?

The following points may set out a few guidelines on how to do so appropriately.

 

#1 Allow him to confide

If your son is grumpy after school, do not swarm him with interrogative questions.

“Simply say, ‘Looks like you’re upset. I’m here to help if I can,'” says Christine Nicholson, PhD, a psychologist specialising in adolescent therapy in Kirkland, Washington.

Then bring it up later: I’m concerned that something bad happened at school. If he lets you in a bit (School is boring), echo his feeling (Yeah, school can be boring). Odds are he will open up: That teacher gives me so much homework. Again, validate his feelings, but this time coax out more: You do get a lot of homework. What do you have for tonight?

“Your son will know that you’re on his side and that you’re not going to lecture, so he’ll feel comfortable talking more in depth,” says Dr. Nicholson.”

It is about establishing a bond of friendship within the parent-son relationship. The ideal relationship is when a parent can be both a parent and best friend to their teenage son. With this bond, parents can then communicate with their teenage son who would be willing to listen and heed their advice.

 

#2 Allow him to be emotional

Getting boys to open up about how they feel is one thing; getting them to understand that while bad feelings may linger, they don’t last is quite another.

“Boys prefer to focus on the problem rather than the emotion,” says Dan Kindlon, PhD, adjunct lecturer at Harvard School of Public Health and coauthor of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. “Part of a parent’s responsibility is to teach his or her son that emotions—whether pain, sadness, anger or fear—don’t always go away quickly, and that’s OK. Eventually, he will begin to feel better.”

It is important to always understand that your teenage has feelings just like anyone else. Parents should ideally be the avenue where teenage sons can fully express their emotions. He should be able to cry and rejoice without reservation in front of their parents. This will give him the comfort that his parents are always there for him.

The key thing to realise for parents is that: Do not let your teenage son feel like he has to act like a grown up all the time!

 

#3 Let your teenage son be independent

Parents should always be conscious about when to tighten and when to let loose the parental grip. Your teenage sons should be allowed to explore the world and live through his own experiences. He should be allowed to be independent and learn to deal with his own hardships and challenges.

As parents, it is understandable that there is an urge to prevent their teenage sons from going through any unpleasant experiences, but it is essential to learn to let go. Several researchers have stated that when a teenager begins to assert his independence, he begins to grow from a child into a grown individual.

Understanding that your teenage son’s mood swings and opinions are part and parcel of his self-discovery will help avoid conflicts and arguments.

 

#4 Preserve his self-worth

Never say “Boys will be boys” or use other expressions that blame your son’s behaviour on his gender or that suggest he can’t control his actions. “The messages kids get from parents play a major role in the development of their self-esteem,” says Paul W. Schenk, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Tucker, Georgia. “When your son hears words that attack who he is, it has a negative impact on his self-worth.”

Bottom line: He will begin to believe what those phrases imply that boys are troublemakers.

Saying You’re the smartest kid in the world or You’re the best basketball player ever sets expectations your son can’t live up to. “Praise his efforts rather than his talents,” says Dr. Kuchenbecker. According to studies at Columbia University, young kids feel more accomplished and better able to handle challenges when they’re praised for how they do a task (You worked hard) and for completing it (Good job getting that done), rather than when they hear general kudos like I’m proud of you.

It is about striking a balance between staying realistic and being positive with your encouragements!

 

One last note…

Raising a teenage boy is by no means easy.

It takes huge amounts of effort and time. A series of trials and errors is unavoidable. You should always bear faith in not only yourself but also your teenage son.

Unfortunately, there is no fixed formula for this; just as every teenage boy is drastically different from another. It takes love and trust between parents and sons to work through the boy’s adolescence in the most conducive manner.

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